"The voters in Spain there have elected a socialist government. The new prime minister, Jose Zapatero immediately lashed out at President Bush, calling the war in Iraq a disaster, calling for all Spanish troops to come home from Iraq immediately. This obviously upset President Bush. Today, he took decisive action. He said, 'From now on, in the United States, Spanish rice will now be known as Freedom rice.'" — Jay Leno

The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.

"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.

The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.

"Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!"

"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."
Source

Wayne Wilderson (born January 30, 1966) is an American comedian and actor who has had guest spots on many successful television programs, including The Office, Seinfeld, Mr. Show, and The Steve Harvey Show. He is slated to appear in the pilot episode of The Thick of It as a political blogger. He makes a cameo in Evan Almighty. He was born in Minneapolis, Minnesota. He graduated from Breck School in 1984 and received a Bachelor of Arts in Theatre Arts (acting) from Boston College in 1989. Wilderson is also well-known as a commercial actor, having appeared in commercials for Popeye's Chicken, MasterCard, Circuit City, Avis, Fruit of the Loom (portraying the purple grape cluster), Reebok, Yahoo! HotJobs, Toyota, Chevy, Washington Mutual, Mitsubishi, Wendy's, Sealy, PlayStation Portable, amongst others. He is often mistaken for British actor Adrian Lester, best known from the BBC series Hustle. Source

Name at birth: Leslie Townes Hope

Bob Hope was a triple-threat superstar of radio, film and television during the 1940s and 1950s. Primarily a comedian, Hope also acted, sang and danced a little, hosted his own radio and television shows, and carried on a famous comic feud with his friend and fellow star, crooner Bing Crosby. Hope spent much of World War II travelling the world to entertain Allied troops, a service he also performed with gusto during later wars in Korea, Vietnam, and the Middle East; his entertain-the-troops tours became one of his enduring signatures. Though his superstar years ended in the 1960s, Hope continued to make appearances well into the 1990s. In May of 2003 he celebrated his 100th birthday with a typical wisecrack: "I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type." He died a few months later, in July 2003.

An American, a Scot and a Canuk were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.

"Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $100, we could return to the earth."

He continued, " So of course, I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $100, and the next thing I knew I was back here."

"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"

"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his."